:Reclaiming Femininity in the Midst of Motherhood
Finding a Sacred Balance with Feminine Spirit
Written by Cheri Stirling
Motherhood is a sacred calling—often exhausting, always transformative. But in the depths of diapers, dishes, and daily demands, many women feel that they lose a part of themselves. To combat this, we resort to what the world tells us gives us purpose, whether that be aggressive fitness routines to ‘get our body back, ’ climbing the career ladder to be a ‘supermom who has it all,’ or other worldly labels. But one thing that we often miss is the need to reconnect with our femininity. Reclaiming femininity is about nurturing the God-given essence of womanhood—a powerful, graceful, creative force that when we fully embody, will allow us to create the life we imagine, however that looks. So how do we balance this reclamation with the all-consuming role of motherhood?
We are Created in the Image of Our Mother
Femininity is part of the Imago Dei—the image of God. Our softness, strength, intuition, nurturing spirit, and beauty reflect our Mother’s character. Proverbs 31 paints a vibrant picture of a woman who is industrious, kind, strong, and dignified—hardly a passive or invisible figure.
“Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.” — Proverbs 31:25-26
Yet, so many modern mothers feel anything but strength and dignity when we haven’t showered in three days, the laundry is piled high, and we’ve forgotten what alone time feels like. We know that Motherhood is one of the crowning, and refining experiences of mortality, but how do we cultivate a feminine balance in the constant chaos of house chores?
The reality is that like many eternal truths, there is a paradox: motherhood stretches us beyond our limits, and yet, it can refine our femininity in ways nothing else can—if we allow it to.
What Is Femininity, Really?
Reclaiming our femininity doesn’t mean returning to rigid stereotypes—flouncy dresses, dainty manners, or abandoning careers. It’s about reconnecting with the core of what makes us uniquely female.
Femininity is not ornamental—it’s powerful. It’s not about performance—it’s about essence.
The world we were raised prioritzes and rewards productivity. When we become mothers, we often shift from even more from “being” to “doing” as we work to keep tiny humans alive. We get stuck in the logistics of caregiving, forgetting that our presence, voice, softness, and joy are deeply feminine—and deeply needed by our families and the world.
The Psychological Toll of Losing Femininity
Research has suggested found that new mothers commonly experience a phenomenon called “matrescence”—a developmental transition similar to adolescence. This includes identity confusion, body image struggles, and decreased confidence.¹
Another study from The Journal of Family Psychology (2020) showed that mothers who reported a strong sense of identity and self-care experienced lower rates of depression and higher parenting satisfaction.²
When we are disconnected from our feminity, we lose a vital connection to joy, creativity, and intimacy— which often becomes exacerbated in motherhood. This affects not only with ourselves, but our spouses and children. Reclaiming it is not indulgent. It’s foundational.
Reclaiming Femininity Starts with Intentionality
Start with a Spiritual Connection with Heaven
Reclaiming femininity begins with realigning our identity in Christ. Spend time daily reflecting on who God says you are, and strengthening your relationship with Him. Some ideas include:
- Meditate & pray regularly
- Incorporate scripture and gospel study into your routine
- Develop meaningful patterns that build faith, such as attending faith promoting events, listening to meditations, or podcasts
- Regular temple attendance
Ask God to restore the parts of your identity that feel forgotten. Femininity is a spiritual matter as much as a practical one.
Embrace Your Body—Not in Spite of Motherhood, But Because of It
Your body has done miraculous things. It has stretched, birthed, fed, and comforted. Celebrate that. Rather than seeing your postpartum body as “less than,” see it as a vessel of strength and love.
Consider incorporating gentle rituals that honor your body—whether it’s movement (like walking, yoga, or dancing), skincare, or dressing in a way that reflects your style. This isn’t vanity; it’s stewardship for the gift God gave you.
Rediscover Beauty in Small Things
Femininity thrives in beauty—soft lighting, warm mugs, music, candles, flowers on a windowsill. These aren’t superficial touches; they restore the soul. Clearing clutter, scheduling downtime (Whether it’s a bath, an outing to the salon, or time with the girls, journaling, or hobbies are all ways to slow down and reflect on the beauty around us.
Make Space for Creative Expression
Femininity is inherently creative. Whether it’s writing, painting, cooking, or designing, creativity reconnects us to the divine image within.
Ask: What did I love doing before I became a mother? How can I reintroduce that into my life, even for 20 minutes a week?
Reignite Intimacy with Your Spouse
Physical and emotional intimacy is often the first area to suffer in motherhood, but it’s also a powerful place to reclaim femininity.
Communicate your needs. Prioritize emotional connection. Don’t feel guilty for desiring romance—it’s part of your design. Scheduling dates and getaways with your spouse, finding time to laugh, and connect on multiple levels will help reignite that flame.
Let Your Children See Your Femininity
One of the most beautiful gifts you can give your children is a picture of whole, embodied womanhood.
When they see you enjoying beauty, creating, taking care of your body, laughing with your husband, or praying in solitude, they witness a balanced, empowered femininity. You’re a woman—a daughter of God.
This gives your daughters permission to be fully themselves, to create, explore, and embody their own femininity, and your sons a model of how to cherish and respect the feminine.
Femininity is a Flame, Not a Mask
To reclaim femininity doesn’t mean faking perfection, ignoring your kids, or chasing aesthetics. It’s important to remember that as females, our flow between masculinity and femininity flows with our needs and the needs of those around us. We can step into “doing” to be able to raise healthy, well-rounded humans, but to also take moments of rest and rejuvenation. It means letting God breathe life into the parts of you that are quiet, buried, or weary, and doing the same for those around you.
Motherhood may stretch you, but it also reveals you. Femininity is not lost—it’s just layered beneath responsibility, fatigue, and love.
As you peel back those layers with grace, intention, and faith, you’ll find that your most radiant femininity is not the one you had before motherhood—it’s the one forged in the fire of it.
References & Additional Resources
- “Understanding Matrescence: A Qualitative Study”, BMC Women’s Health, 2021.
https://bmcwomenshealth.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s12905-021-01371-5 - “Mothers’ Identity, Self-Care, and Psychological Health”, Journal of Family Psychology, 2020.
https://psycnet.apa.org/fulltext/2020-35092-001.html - “The Role of Aesthetic Environments in Psychological Wellbeing”, Psychology of Aesthetics, Creativity, and the Arts, 2019.
https://doi.apa.org/doiLanding?doi=10.1037%2Faca0000256
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