Seeking Repentance
Written by Christina Judd
For thus saith the Lord God, the Holy One of Israel: ‘In returning and rest shall ye be saved, in quietness … shall be your strength;
Isaiah 30:15
In the book I am reading, The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter, Easter interviews a nutrition guru/genius/out-of-the-box thinker, Trevor Kashey. Speaking of people’s health Kashey says, “I quickly ‘solved’ hundreds of problems just by virtue of improving a person’s awareness of their own behavior … I got the idea to do this from the Hawthorne effect [an idea that people change their behaviors when they know they are being watched] … It’s a nuisance to academic scientists looking for complete control but an integral part of my empirical science where I’m looking to give control back to people (The Comfort Crisis, p. 145).” Kashey helps people bring awareness to themselves so healing can reign. In all I have studied about Jesus Christ, this is exactly how He works with us.
If we want changed behaviors, then we have to become keenly aware of ourselves. What am I doing? Why am I doing it? What am I feeling? Why am I feeling it? These are difficult questions, the answers to which we tend to cover, bury, and hide with addiction, screens, scrolling, and other “noise.” But, the more unaware of ourselves that we are, the easier it is to blame others for our discomfort. This is the opposite of repentance and healing. Satan would have us believe: I am out of control; when others change, then I will be happy, at peace, calm… An honest awareness of ourselves—our hearts, thoughts, and emotions—is how we get our agency (control) back, and how we give others their agency (control) back. And as soon as we do so, “immediately doth the great plan of redemption take place (Alma 34:31)”. Immediately healing (change) begins.
Repentance is nothing more than awareness. God knows everything about us. We are not hiding anything from Him; we hide from and avoid ourselves. When Adam and Eve partook of the fruit, they then hid from themselves, not God. They did not want to face the discomfort of being honest about what they had done. When God came to them, He invited them to see themselves clearly. This is where all power and change lies: will I allow myself to see myself clearly, without excuse, without blaming anyone or anything else?
“Yea, I would that ye would come forth and harden not your hearts any longer; for behold, now is the time and the day of your salvation; and therefore, if ye will repent and harden not your hearts [don’t cover, bury, or numb your discomfort any longer], immediately shall the great plan of redemption be brought about unto you (Alma 34:31).”
The greatest gift we can give ourselves (and God) is (our “true and honest heart”) an awareness of ourselves—every discomfort, pain, sorrow, heartache, illness, and general lack of control we feel. Awareness opens the door for the Savior to do His work. This is our most profound use of agency, is how we “take our agency back” and “give others their agency back.” Jesus does the work of change, healing, and ultimate perfection.
We don’t have to change our feelings. We don’t have to make ourselves happier. We don’t have to “work really hard” at overcoming our faults. We simply need awareness—to “be still”—to be okay with being uncomfortable. (Barring abuse) it is in stillness during the discomfort that the Savior and the Holy Ghost meet us and heal our hearts. Improved thought, feeling, and action naturally follow the changes they make to our hearts (Mosiah 5:2, Alma 5:7). Change, perfection, and salvation does not come because of what we do, it comes because of all God does—the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
The first question the angel asked Alma and the sons of Mosiah “as they were going about rebelling against God (Mosiah 27:13)” was, “why persecutest thou the church of God?” It was an invitation for them to become aware of themselves. Christ offered the same to the woman at the well, “Go, call thy husband, and come hither (John 4:16).” He is always asking us, “Are you aware of yourself?”
“Do you know who you are (your weakest points?) and do you know who I am (my strongest ones?) Do you truly know what I do, how I do it?”
The deeper we are willing to go–the more aware we are willing to become of ourselves–and the more still we are willing to be, the more healing, strength, and power comes. The Savior has overcome all and gives us power to do the same when we stop scrolling, moving, talking, bustling about, and just sit; that is how we allow Him in to the places we wish we could wholly avoid, ourselves.
My invitation this week is to sit. Put phones away. Screens away. Turn the TV off. The music off. Turn off the noise. All of it. And sit. In silence. Sit through the discomfort. Sit for as long as you can. As often as you can. And wait. With no end in sight.
It works.
He works.
In time, miracles unfold…
“The scientist in me would always say, ‘OK, to figure out how to get you to point B, we must find point A.’” said Kashey, after we’d settled into his office and I asked him how he began to develop his methods, the same methods he still uses. “I’ve never believed that people should be doing more or new things. Continuously trying to add more stuff on top of what you’re doing and constantly experimenting with shiny new things is almost never the answer. It just adds another layer of stress and complication. I believe people should be doing less and eliminating limiters to progress. It’s more effective to modify the behaviors and thought patterns that are keeping you from progressing,” said Kashey. “Because your progress is only as good as your most obvious limiter (The Comfort Crisis, p. 144).”
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